Each day grew hotter. The blackish-red roses were in full bloom in the rear garden, but Thea remained shut in her room without going out for a single walk. She held a needle, but made no progress. A little earlier, a court lady had brought in watermelon sherbet, but she had put down her spoon after barely tasting it. In this heat, it was a delicacy like a crown of the season, something people could not bear to leave without reaching for their spoons, yet to Thea it was merely cold and rough on her tongue. As the sherbet, denied the treatment it deserved, slowly melted, a sweet smell drifted through the room.
A court lady suddenly spoke from outside the door.
“Your mother from your family home has arrived. Shall I show her in?”
The expression on Thea’s still face changed. It was dismay.
“My mother? Where is she?”
“Just outside the door.”
Not knowing what to do, Thea hid the sewing she had been holding beneath her skirt. She had told them to inform her a little earlier if her mother came, but the court ladies had forgotten, as though it were perfectly natural. As if to say that, after all, the visitor was her mother, so what could happen? If Thea had known how to give the court ladies a sharp scolding, things would not have reached this point, but it seemed that day would never come.
As soon as her mother Nimea entered, she forgot the formalities owed to a prince’s consort. She sat knee to knee with her daughter and firmly took her hands.
“My lady, why are your hands so cold? You are taking the new medicine I sent up, aren’t you?”
“…Yes.”
“You aren’t taking it, are you? You know with what feeling your mother has prepared good medicine and wrapped it in fine cloth to send to you, yet you don’t take it. I told you again and again that your mother and brothers at home look only to you, but you still behave like a little girl. Don’t you?”
She was taking the medicine. She had repeatedly said so, and even the court ladies had testified, but her mother would not believe it, so she simply had no strength left to say more. She wished each dose would draw even one line of gold on her arm. She wished even a speck would appear. But it would all have been useless. Nimea did not believe what she did not wish to believe. Thea’s hands were still cold, her face still pale, and her breasts had not developed, so she could not have taken the medicine.
Once again, Nimea interpreted Thea’s silence as she pleased. Knowing it would have made no difference even if she had answered was no comfort.
“Your mother’s heart is breaking. There is fire in my belly. I bore you from my own body. It makes me want to strike my forehead against a rock, wondering how you cannot even do this one thing. Do your brothers never come to mind? How many times have I told you they are living from day to day as though struggling over a mere coin or two?”
Thea’s brothers spent their days going about in search of any scrap of profit that might fall their way, but though they might struggle over coins, they never intended to work. As brothers of the prince’s consort, they considered it unfitting to enter someone else’s business or teach children. Being her actual brothers, they were never driven away wherever they went. Breakfast at this house, lunch at that house, tea at another, and in the evening they shamelessly inserted themselves among some nobleman’s friends who were going out for amusement. They spent every month as though it were a single day, enjoying palace wine and food until late at night. With a little tact, it was an extraordinarily comfortable life. Rumors about these shameless young men had even reached the palace banquets, leaving Thea unable to lift her head.
“What good does it do your family to worry day and night? They say it is enough for you to live comfortably in the palace, with no need for your mother or brothers. You have no concern whether I, the mother of the prince’s consort, have even a single gold ring on my finger, do you? The gate and threshold have long since been completely stripped bare. Even the porcelain doll you played with as a child has gone into a merchant’s filthy sack!”
For years, she had heard the story of the porcelain doll dozens of times. Thea herself could not even remember it, but Nimea brought it up with bitterness, never doubting that if she felt bitter, Thea must feel the same. Then she would peer at Thea’s face. Thea had no ability to make an appropriate expression in such circumstances, but whatever her expression, it would be equally impossible to satisfy Nimea.
“Really. You don’t even regret it, do you? Covered in embroidered silk quilts and eating every delicacy, you don’t care what happens to your empty family storehouse, do you? Would you truly only be satisfied if your own flesh and blood sold themselves off and went to the battlefield?”
Thea nearly said that would be fine too. Just then, a perceptive court lady announced that the medicine was ready. Mother and daughter both brightened. A large bowl of medicine like black molasses was brought in, filling the room with a foul smell. Nimea frowned and took out a handkerchief. Thea drank the medicine as though it were nothing and returned the bowl to the court lady. When the court lady left, Nimea muttered,
“What a dreadful smell.”
Thea silently swallowed a sour belch. Whenever she drank it, her stomach burned for half the day. She wondered what the medicine was made from, and how it was made, but even Nimea did not know. Someone would have sold it at an exorbitant price, whispering about a secret recipe and precious ingredients. It was almost mysterious how well her mother believed other people’s words while refusing to believe her daughter’s. Of course it was all for Thea’s sake. No, it was for her brothers’ sake, but in any case, they had said that if she only took the medicine, color would come to her face, her body would grow fuller, and even the monthly bleeding she did not want would begin. None of those things had happened.
If only her mother’s words had been right.
“Mother, I feel a little dizzy. I should lie down. So, please…”
“Dizzy! If you had been taking your medicine properly, that would never happen! When on earth will you acquire some sense? It seems these days of yours won’t last much longer. The royal consort is looking for a second consort to coincide with the prince’s return. What need should there be for a new consort when you are seventeen? It’s because you are so frail. I’ve never heard of a prince having two consorts, but His Majesty’s favor for the royal consort reaches the heavens, so even things without precedent can be done, can they not?”
Thea said nothing at all. Nimea had become thirsty from speaking, so she drank the melted sherbet Thea had left in a single draught. Then she even licked her lips and continued.
“Can you not imagine what will become of you if a new consort from a good family comes in and becomes pregnant? You were young, so you may not know how wretchedly Her Majesty was treated before she gave birth to Prince Pallasos, but I saw it and know. Even now, His Majesty’s favor rests with the royal consort because she bore the first prince, does it not? Well, in one sense, she has been fortunate that the prince, full of vigor as he is, has waited patiently for you until he is twenty-one. The reward for that should have come by now, but you are still like this… When you think about it, don’t you realize that his absorption in riding is all your fault too?”
Gene had liked horses since before he was three, but Nimea raised her voice, attaching whatever meaning suited her. A faint flush spread across Thea’s face. Whenever she thought of Gene, her eyes, fingertips, and toes all grew cold, and her lips went dry. Thea was afraid of Gene. Thinking of him as her husband made her more afraid. They had been married ten years, but he was still someone who did not feel real. Merely seeing him from afar made her body stiffen. If he were not her husband, she could simply think he was a man who had nothing to do with her. But Gene was her husband. Someday, Thea would have to bear his child. Provided, of course, that she became a woman before then.
Thea herself knew there was much talk everywhere about her inability to establish a proper bridal chamber at seventeen. Whether small, slender Thea, so often sick, could ever bear a child. When she walked through the gardens, she could hear whispers from only a step away. At such times, rather than look back, she only quickened her pace. She could avoid the rear garden, but there was no escaping the mother before her. When Thea remained silent throughout, Nimea finally forgot even courtesy and slapped her hand.
“No matter what, you must establish a bridal chamber before then. Here, take this. Carrying it inside your skirt should have an effect.”
What Nimea held out was a pouch like a sachet. But instead of fragrance, it gave off a strange smell. Thea reached out, then asked,
“What’s in it?”
“A special medicine made from mandragora fruit. The pouch was made by soaking a piece of the underclothes of a woman who has borne seven children in the urine of a stallion in heat.”
When Thea started in alarm and withdrew her outstretched hand, Nimea angrily struck her knee.
“What are you doing? You’re about to lose your husband! A man like the prince is someone all the women in the world desire, even if he weren’t a prince. However little sense you have, you ought to know how fortunate you are. Even if the prince has no such intention, the women of the world won’t leave him alone. When he returns from the expedition, he will become crown prince. You must understand that if you are still not ready to establish a bridal chamber, there will be no avoiding the choice of a new consort!”
“But something like this…”
“Not something like this. Do something even worse if you must!”
In the end, Nimea fastened the pouch on her herself. Once inside her skirt, its smell almost vanished, but the very thought of such a thing touching her body made Thea feel sick. Then Nimea caught sight of the sewing Thea had hidden beneath her skirt. Discovering the tiny sleeves, Nimea brightened.
“What is this?”
But when she took it out, the clothes were far too small. She had thought them baby clothes, but they were doll clothes. Nimea clenched her teeth, then burst into furious shouting.
“You still haven’t thrown away your dolls!”
Even after hearing abuse no prince’s consort should have had to hear, Thea avoided Nimea’s eyes. Since several years earlier, Nimea had been telling her to throw away the doll that had endured those lonely days beside her since she entered the palace at seven. She firmly believed that having a doll prevented a baby from coming, and that because Thea could not discard a child’s toy, even the monthly bleeding that signaled adulthood would not begin. Nimea had pestered her so badly that the previous year, Thea had lied and said she had thrown the doll away. Now that Nimea had seen the doll clothes again, of course she was beside herself. Tearing the clothes in two on the spot, Nimea demanded that she hand over the doll too, then sprang to her feet.
“Where did you hide it? Tell me the truth at once!”
Nimea flung open cabinets and wardrobes and pulled out whatever came to hand. When Thea clung to her arm, she shook her off and pushed her away. Thea, fallen on the floor, was afraid a court lady would come in and see, and instead latched the door herself. A sewing basket spilled, and after scraps of cloth and several crumpled doll outfits came tumbling out, the doll finally appeared. Nimea seized the scissors that had fallen on the floor and cut off its head.
“Ah…”
Whether Thea’s face turned white or not, Nimea wrapped the doll’s two pieces in a cloth and stormed out. Thea sat blankly in a chair and covered her face with both hands. Only then did a court lady open the door and look in.
“My lady, what has happened?”
The court lady came in and tried to put away some of the scattered things, but Thea spoke with her face still buried in her hands.
“Leave.”
The court lady gave a small nod and left. After a while, Thea rose, gathered the remaining doll clothes, pushed them into a nearby cabinet, tore off the pouch Nimea had fastened on her and threw it in too, then closed the door.
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